The first intimate encounter can be perplexing in trying to develop an amorous bond with another soul. But when you’re first getting to know them, it should be drama free. The novelty and exhilaration of meeting someone new should be just that- exciting.
I mean, if you just want to hook up then it isn’t much of a concern- but if you’re looking for a serious relationship, then those red flags shouldn’t be ignored. A red flag is an excellent intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling.
Ideally, the first few months should be the “honeymoon phase.” It should be all about relaxing, spontaneity, mystery, and kicking back with your new beau. Ya know… the whole “I just can’t get enough of you.” Those blinders fail us from identifying subtle cues.
I am hella guilty of it, and you’re probably too. It’s not a bad thing- at least initially. How am I supposed to know he is going to be a vile human? My excuse?
Allow my girl Poo to tell ya:
Not gonna lie, I get distracted by their charisma, their flirting skills, or fashion sense. Come to think of it, it really does not take much to impress me- at least humor wise. Maybe that’s my bad, buuuut I’m not gonna take all the blame here.
Listen, they are getting really good at disguising themselves. Wolves frequently gallivant about in sheep’s clothing. That said, sometimes boys are creepy dunces. So I am not entirely to blame for my ignorance. Just when I think “ooh I’ve finally got a good one,” they throw a damn curveball, and I’m left searching “How to Spot A Fuckboy” at 2AM.
At this point, I’ve lost count of the number times I’ve met someone or my friends have that seem perfect come to find out they are total impostors.
Look, I get it. Relationships are complicated, the parental pressure is unreal, you’re tired of being single, and you’re desperately hoping that your new match is “the one.”
Ignoring those bright red signs flashing violently becomes comfortable. Thinking perhaps he is normal enough to bring home. So, it is reasonable that so-called deal breakers may get overlooked. But no amount of parental pressure or biological time clock expiration should be the reason you bend to someone’s whim.
We, as humans aren’t perfect and deal with our own baggage. Hence, it is reasonable to have a few hiccups or a funny gut feeling initially- it very well could be nothing. It’s only fair to compromise here and there.
However, people do begin to show their true colors right away, learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right. Some of them legit wave them around like glow sticks at an EDM concert.
Trust me, I learned the hard way. Where did that leave me?
Well, I am glad you asked. Over time, I’ve developed a niche for identifying a multitude of red flags that scream “RUN BITCH RUN.” You need to be able to wipe the hearts out of your eyes, take a step back, and get real with yourself and him. Not all relationships are right for you no matter how much you want it to work. You’ve got to learn to accept that this just ain’t it.
How Do I Define Red Flags? See Below:
Note: This is just a short-list of what I’ve found in my experience. Know that not every flag will apply to all men. Hell, these flags can even apply to us if you really think about. This is just something to keep in mind when filtering out the bad apples. Everyone is different with their boundaries. Identify what yours are and stick to them. They will benefit you in the long run.
If you have questions, need clarification, or have more red flags of your own, then leave a comment!
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